[Newspoetry] explanation of big hair

[Joe Futrelle]

                           From The Desk Of
                       Heinreich Hundtscheisse
                              Schneertz

To Whom It May Concern:

   Just what is big hair?  This question has alternately baffled the
cognescenti and intelligensia alike since time immemorial.  We
dispense here with several prevailing theories about big hair -- that
the strands of big hair are themselves larger than ordinary ("small")
hair, and that it results from the copious application of name-brand
health and beauty aids -- and propose instead that big hair results
from big ideas.

    In Baden-Baden-Baden, just to the left of the historic site of
Johannes Kepler's discovery of brevity, lies the magestic Royal
Library of Antiquated Knowledge.  Nestled among twin volcanos, their
unbearably gorgeous (this time of year) lava flows oozing through its
moat, the library is home to over three volumes.  None of them mention
big hair.

    Can big hair be artificially reproduced in the laBORatory?  The
quick answer is no.  The element Bh is extremely unstable, consisting
of a single proton with many long strands of neutrons attached to it.
These break up during re-entry.  So how is it that big hair can so
easily be found in nature?

     We'll tell you more about this exciting substance next week.

On Wed, Oct 20, 1999 at 06:25:45PM -0500, auntbarb at onthejob.net wrote:
> If you think this bill is absurd, you're right.  Send the amount that you
> don't owe, along with a statement explaining big hair.  Send the payment
> and a copy of the Truman Doctrine in the enclosed Stealh Bomber.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joe Futrelle                  | "What a snippet!" -- K. F. Josephine 
Team Leader, Emerge           | 
Scientific Data Tech. / NCSA  | 
http://emerge.ncsa.uiuc.edu/  |