[Newspoetry] jokes needed

[Mike Lehman]

Peter,
Various jokes that might be appropriate (not neccessarily Mayday related).
Mike


                    Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out
                    driving
                    in the country and accidentally hit and killed a
                    pig that had wandered out on a country road.
                    Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the
                    farm and apologize to the farmer.

                    They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got
                    out
                    and knocked on the front door and was let in.
                    He
                    was in there for what seemed hours. When he
                    came
                    out, Limbaugh was confused about why his
                    employee
                    had been there so long.

                    'Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he
                    offered me a beer, then his wife brought me
                    some
                    cookies, and his daughter showered me with
                    kisses,' explained the driver.

                    'What did you tell the farmer?' Limbaugh
                    asked.

                    The chauffeur replied, 'I told him that I was
                    Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the
                    pig.'



The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying
                    to
                    prove that they are the best at apprehending
                    criminals. The President decides to give them a

                    test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each

                    of them has to catch it.

                    The CIA goes in. They place animal informants

                    throughout the forest. They question all plant
                    and
                    mineral witnesses. After three months of
                    extensive
                    investigations they conclude that rabbits do not
                    exist.

                    The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no
                    leads
                    they burn the forest, killing everything in it,
                    including the rabbit and they make no
                    apologies.
                    The rabbit had it coming.

                    The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours
                    later
                    with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
                    'Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit.'

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the
                       same job.

                       The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do
                       two plus two equal?"

                       The mathematician replies "Four."

                       The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks
                       at the interviewer incredulously and says

                       "Yes, four, exactly."

                       Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same
                       question "What do two plus two equal?" The

                       accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent,
                       but on average, four."

                       Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same
                       question "What do two plus two equal?"

                       The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits
                       down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to
                       equal?"




Peter Miller wrote:

> Hi, all-
>
> Maybe this can be considered a newspoetry assignment.  I was volunteered to emcee the May Day festivities here in Urbana, and it seems that I should have some good May Day jokes.  Since I don't have many on hand, I thought I'd check with you, the Newspoets.
>
> Currently I have two jokes.  One (courtesty of William G.) starts like this:  "So Nike CEO Phil Knight walks into a bar with a sweatshop on his head."  The second, "How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
>
> Yours in the spirit of revolution,
> Peter
>
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