[Newspoetry] bison

[Anne Bargar]

	I am writing to protest the way in which 3/4-size psychic bison have been
left out of the latest discussions of bison rights that have been in the
news in recent months.  Psychic bison have long been swept Runder the
fashionable floor coveringS for many years, despite newspoetryUs promotion
of deployed and fermented bison. While acknowledgment of the existence of
such groups is indeed admirable, let me tell you a few things that we, as
a group, have accomplished in our long history.
	I shall begin with a history of The Rant.
	The rant was developed in 1289 by Herbert the Short-Tempered, a
3/4 psychic bison hailing from Somewhere in England, who had unrealized
political aspirations. Herbert had gone to his local pub after the vote
was taken, although what he was running for has been lost to history. He
then became extremely drunk, and started going on and on. We arenUt sure
what he said but we do know this-1. absolutely none of it was repeatable,
and 2. he had invented a powerful communicative tool.  No one had ever
gone on for so long and on so many only slightly related subjects ever
before.  This was new and exciting, and even though most patrons of the
establishment wished he would go home and sleep it off, they were exited
about this new form of communication.  Two days later, he invented
copywrite infringement so that others couldnUt use the contents of his
tirade for their own evil deeds.  However, the rant has stood the test of
time. It was tweaked in 1298, and stands to be re-invented in both 2189
and 9812, as well as retroactively in 1963.   Over time the rant has been
modified, and itUs descendents include the both the philibuster and the
op-ed column.   
	Another great accomplishment of a 3/4-size Psychic Bison was the
invention of banana-flavored chewing gum.  The inventor's name has been
lost to history, but a great deed was done when someone said, "What new,
exciting flavors can we experiment with next?" and added banana extract to
the vat of gum being mixed. 
	Famous 3/4-size Psychic Bison include Prince Philip, Jack Hannah
(former director of the Columbus Zoo), Neil Armstrong, President Howard
Taft, and General Patton. As you can see, we have an illustrious history
that has been ignored by historians and thinkers alike.  We are taking
this opportunity to stand up and be noticed, to be seen in the light of
our glorious history, and acknowledged for our accomplishments.  We must
stand together and be recognized along with our Deployed and Fermented
counterparts before we are lost to the high tide of history.

Sincerely,
Rebecca C. Hughes,
President of The Association For The Unparalleled Promotion of 3/4-Sized
Psychic Bison
Cleveland Local 1675 



-babz