[Newspoetry] The constitution today

[Anne Bargar]

	TodayUs Constitutional Hallucination

The performance of Phil Kline ("Yawp") was done in boombox with boombox
accompaniment.  Justice Breyer quoted himself as saying "rich textures
suggestive of a moaning crowd," and it became clear that he wasn't
listening to any more legal arguments.  Rather than writing an opinion, he
was writing a review of a music festival in Brooklyn.  Maybe he was going
to declare Brooklyn unconstitutional.  If only we could remember why.
Justice O'Connor suggested that he edit that out of the dissenting
opinion, regardless of whether or not the aforementioned Breyer wished to
take part in that scene.  The Justice agreed, making it unlikely that he
would be having tea and biscuits with Mr. Kline in an attempt to rescue
the prerecorded tapes from themselves, the election from the prerecorded
tapes, or any exclusive analytical rights from the pundits.  The
analytical rights were put in a cooler next to the Supreme Court, who had
had it out in a game of team handball, with Justice Scallia ascending and
Renquist keeping score.  The analytical rights shared space with some
tequila and a six-pack of Schaffer.  Bush appeared on TV wearing what was
discovered to be a tiara and gown, which the garments themselves declared
unconstitutional, yet smashing.  Gore appeared in a tutu and canvas
high-tops.  This, along with a special appearance of the Finnish grunting
choir Huutajat, at first appeared to be a mistake, but was then
interpreted by those present as some kind of frayed reality.  All nerves
were held as both frayed and in contempt of court.  The inaugural ball
will be held and televised as planned. Womanizing at the ball, and
throughout the next administration, is expected to be down at least 50%,
while misspellings and simple math errors are predicted to increase
sharply in the next five years.