[Newspoetry] McClean Wins Michigan

[Joe Futrelle]

McClean Wins Michigan
Bids Farewell to US Pastry

Michigan (Associated Poets): Paperboy Don McClean beat incredible odds
here today and picked up 52 delegates in a decisive win, throwing the
hotly contested race for the Republican nomination into utter
disarray.  His sentimental message, though lengthy and dated,
resonated strongly with baby boomers and cynical Gen-X-ers alike in
this diverse Northern state.

"Now do you believe in rock and roll?" McClean asked a cheering
audience who gathered to her his lengthy, dated acceptance speech in
front of Michigan's historic levee.

Apparently voters did, turning out in record numbers to cast their
votes for a man who drove his Chevy here a long, long time ago, only
to find it dry.

McClean's wide-ranging acceptance speech was not short on criticism
for one-time front-runner George W. Bush, who he described as a
"jester" who had "lost his thorny crown".  Though some found the
kalidescopic interplay of metaphors in his speech disorienting, this
"generation lost in space" seemed ready to carry McClean to national
victory at this decisive turning point for the Republican party.

McClean and three other well-loved candidates caught the last train
for the coast this evening, where McClean hopes to attract new voters
to his pie-send-off campaign in the closely-watched race for
California.  Analysts at national think-tanks, scrambling to explain
recent events, warn that McClean may face a serious challenge from
California's own Richard Harris, who entered the race this afternoon
with the shocking revelation that someone had left a cake out in the
rain.

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Joe Futrelle                  | "What fly-swats!" -- Oswald Princes
Team Leader, Emerge           | Risborough 
Scientific Data Tech. / NCSA  | 
http://emerge.ncsa.uiuc.edu/  |