[Newspoetry] NIST, CODATA skeptical about lighter Earth

[Joe Futrelle]

Earth (Associated Poets)

The National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) and the
international Committee on Data for Science and Technology (CODATA)
reacted with skepticism to new experiments conducted at the University
of Washington suggesting that the gravitational constant be adjusted
significantly.  Among other things, the revised value means that the
Earth's mass is 5.972 sextillion metric tons, rather than 5.978.

Many analysts agree with NIST's prudent approach amidst growing
concerns about the massive implications of this change.  Real estate
appraisers are prepared to sue the Unviersity of Washington.  The
executors of Sir Isaac Newton's estate continue to insist that
Newton's original value of "about three" is absolutely correct.
Several fringe science teams feel that the constant is actually
decreasing as a result of a force they call "levity".  The
International Brethrenhood of Luddites maintains that the only proper
way to weigh the earth is with a mechanical scale, for which a
suitable counterweight (such as Venus) would have to be acquired and
transported to near-earth space in a horse-drawn buggy.

My own reaction is that "sextillion" sounds kind of naughty -- but
5.972 sextillion sounds 5.972 times naughtier!

- Ed.