[Newspoetry] Mysterious Disappearances Baffle Dogs, FBI

[Mike Lehman]

In a disappearance that may be tied to the mysterious disappearance of
intern Chandra Levy, Joe Futrelle and Bethany Cooper were reported
missing by their dogs, Yeti and Zoe. Since dogs, being faithful and
reliable, have a much better reputation than the FBI, the FBI considers
this case to possibly have sinister undertones, but they remain as
baffled by this case as they are by the Levy disappearance.

The dogs were reported to have been spotted being walked by nefarious
characters on the FBI's watch list in the area of Urbana's infamous
Commie Compound, where they may be staying, sequestered to avoid the
crush of media in front of the house on South Race Street in Urbana that
had been occupied by Futrelle and Cooper.

While the dogs have had no comment on the disappearance, sources close
to them report they have been drowning their sorrows with lots of cool
water and left-over cat food. For the latest rumours, stay tuned to Fox
News, the only network that really knows what you should think.