[Newspoetry] dammit!
Joe Futrelle
futrelle at ncsa.uiuc.edu
Tue Jun 5 18:22:23 CDT 2001
----- Forwarded message from ...
> > The following is a genuine hoot. This was an actual letter sent to
> > Ryan De Vries from The Michigan Department of Environmental
> > Quality,
> > State of Michigan. Wait till you read this guy's response but
> read
> > the entire letter before you get to the response.
> >
> >
> > Mr. Ryan De Vries
> > 2088 Dagget
> > Pierson, MI 49339
> >
> >
> > Dear Mr. De Vries:
> >
> > SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
> > Montcalm
> > County.
> >
> >
> > It has come to the attention of the Department of environmental
> > Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the
> above
> > referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the
> legal
> > landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized
> > activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams
> across
> > the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior
> to
> > the start of this type of activity.
> >
> > A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been
> > issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this
> activity is
> > in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural
> > Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public
> Acts
> > of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
> > Compiled Laws, annotated.
> >
> > The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams
> > partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and
> > flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature
> are
> > inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department
> therefore
> > orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location,
> and to
> > restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood
> and
> > brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration
> work
> > shall be completed no later than January 31, 1998.
> >
> > Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed
> so
> > that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
> > Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized
> > activity on the site may result in this case being referred for
> > elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate
> your
> > full cooperation in this matter.
> >
> > Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
> > questions.
> >
> > Sincerely,
> > David L. Price
> > District Representative
> > Land and Water Management Division
> >
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> > RESPONSE:
> >
> > Dear Mr. Price:
> >
> > Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm
> County.
> >
> > Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to
> respond
> > to.
> >
> > First of all, Mr. Ryan De Vries is not the legal landowner and/or
> > contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. I am the legal owner
> and
> > a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
> > constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the
> outlet
> > stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor
> > supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended
> > that you call their skillful use of natural building materials
> > "debris."
> >
> > I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate
> their
> > dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can
> > safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam
> skills,
> > their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam
> persistence,
> > their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic. As to your
> > request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first
> > fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
> activity.
> >
> > My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to
> discriminate
> > against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers
> > throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are
> not
> > discriminating against these particular beavers, through the
> Freedom
> > of Information Act I request completed copies of all those other
> > applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we
> will
> > see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes
> and
> > Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act,
> Act
> > 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to
> 324.30113
> > of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. I have several concerns.
> My
> > first concern is-aren't the beavers entitled to legal
> representation?
> > The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable
> to
> > pay for said representation-so the State will have to provide them
> > with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or
> > both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing
> flooding is
> > proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is
> > required to protect.
> >
> > In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone
> rather
> > than harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want the
> > stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition-please contact the
> > beavers-but if you are going to arrest them (they obviously did
> not
> > pay any attention to your dam letter being unable to read English)
> --
> > be sure they are read the Miranda rights first. As for me, I am
> not
> > going to cause more flooding or dam debris jams by interfering
> with
> > these dam builders. If you want to hurt these dam beavers-be aware
> I
> > am sending a copy of your dam letter and this response to PETA. If
> > your dam department seriously finds all dams of this nature
> inherently
> > hazardous and truly will not permit their existence in this State,
> I
> > seriously hope you are not selectively enforcing this dam policy
> or
> > once again both the Spring Pond Beavers and I will scream
> prejudice!
> >
> > In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to
> build
> > their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is
> green
> > and water flows downstream. They have more dam right than I do to
> live
> > and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
> > Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect
> the
> > natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
> So,
> > as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
> > referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait
> > until 1/31/98? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice
> then
> > and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to
> contact/harass
> > them then.
> >
> > In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real
> > environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the
> bears.
> > Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe
> you
> > should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers
> > alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your
> > step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)
> >
> > Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
> > contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this
> > response
> > to your day office via another government organization the dam
> > USPS.
> > Maybe, someday, it will get there.
> >
> > Sincerely,
> >
> > Stephen L. Tvedten
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
----- End forwarded message -----
--
Joe Futrelle
editor-upon-chief
Newspoetry dod com
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