[Newspoetry] Re: [UNKNOWN]english

[gillespie william k]

On Sun, 25 Mar 2001, Scott Rettberg wrote:

> 
>   The European Commission has just announced an
>   agreement whereby English will be the official
>   language of the EU rather than German which was the
>   other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
>   Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling
>   had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5
>   year phase-in plan that would be known as
>   "Euro-English".
> 
>   In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
>   Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump
>   with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of
>   the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards
>   kan have 1 less letter.
> 
>   There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
>   sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be
>   replaced with "f". This will make words like
>   "fotograf" 20% shorter.
> 
>   In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new
>   spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where
>   more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
>   will enkorage the removal of double letters, which
>   have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also,
>   al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s
>   in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
> 
>   By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps
>   such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
>   During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
>   from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud
>   of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
>   After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten
>   styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and
>   evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
>   Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze world!
>