[Newspoetry] Re: [UNKNOWN]english

[Joe Futrelle]

Zis is very interestink nooz abaudt ze many shawnjes in ze veurldt!

- Schneertz

On Tue, Mar 27, 2001 at 01:58:00PM -0600, gillespie william k wrote:
> On Sun, 25 Mar 2001, Scott Rettberg wrote:
> 
> > 
> >   The European Commission has just announced an
> >   agreement whereby English will be the official
> >   language of the EU rather than German which was the
> >   other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
> >   Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling
> >   had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5
> >   year phase-in plan that would be known as
> >   "Euro-English".
> > 
> >   In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
> >   Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump
> >   with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of
> >   the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards
> >   kan have 1 less letter.
> > 
> >   There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
> >   sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be
> >   replaced with "f". This will make words like
> >   "fotograf" 20% shorter.
> > 
> >   In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new
> >   spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where
> >   more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
> >   will enkorage the removal of double letters, which
> >   have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also,
> >   al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s
> >   in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
> > 
> >   By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps
> >   such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
> >   During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
> >   from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud
> >   of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
> >   After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten
> >   styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and
> >   evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
> >   Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze world!
> > 
> 
> 
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--
Joe Futrelle
editor-beyond-chief
Newspoetry daught kom