[Newspoetry] HEADLINES
Scott Rettberg
rettberg at eliterature.org
Tue Oct 30 18:43:19 CST 2001
MILLIONS OF AMERICANS SAID TO BE SICK OF ANTHRAX
Others show no symptoms
I LEARNED A NEW WORD
"Cutaneous"
POWDERED DONUT SALES DOWN
Glazed sales are up
MANY AFGHANS SAID TO BE DEAD
George Bush to throw out first pitch
AFGHANS SAID TO BE LESS POPULAR
Millions are now switching to macramé
OIL STILL POPULAR
Many Millions of Americans said to drive automobiles
BRITISH NEWS SAID TO BE BETTER
Better accents, more comprehensive coverage cited
VIDEOPHONES NOW POPULAR AMONG WAR CORRESPONDENTS
Poets allege they have been using them for years
FAMINE SAID NOT TO BE FUNNY
Army's peanut butter sandwiches said to be stale
RED CROSS SAID TO CONFUSE SMART BOMBS
Genius bombs point out resemblance to cross hairs
THREE DAY TERRORISM OUTLOOK
Tuesday: chance of explosions
Wednesday: bioterrorism front coming in from the east
Thursday: public transportation a possible target
AMERICAN TELEVISON STILL INSULTINGLY BAD
But Michael Jordan may revive basketball
AMERICAN ECONOMY SAID TO SUCK
Europe, Asia believe they are screwed as well
HIGH STATE OF ALERT SAID TO BE VAGUE
Americans drink more coffee, suspect neighbors
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