[Newspoetry] Operation Infinite Jestice

[Scott Rettberg]

Operation Infinite Jestice

The Pentagon today announced that they intend to
Avenge the loss of more than 5400 American lives
By bombing Afghanistan with huge remaindered
Copies of David Foster Wallace's 1996 drug addiction and
Tennis novel, Infinite Jest.

"We're hoping that terrorists will be caught
Unawares by this thousand page plus tome of late
Twentieth Century postmodernism which at its best
Reduces terrorism to slapstick. The paralyzing
Effect of this endnote-laden novel has caused some
Readers to remain in a prone position upwards of
Six months. We'll keep them in their caves, puzzled over
Quixotic references to American films of the 50s, we'll smoke them
Out with marijuana abuse terminology, and we'll punish them with
Obscure references to the Junior Tennis
Circuit" said Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.

According to a high-ranking government official, the carpet
Reading campaign is only the first step in a long war. While
Bin Laden's terrorist training camps and Taliban officials are
Incapacitated by the hilarious sendup of US media culture and late
Consumerism, CIA special agents (not all boy scouts) will be building field
Libraries and stocking them with other big books including J.R. By
William Gaddis, and James Joyce's Ulysses. "We expect that Gaddis
Will leave them confused over the distinction between action and
Constructive dialogue and that Joyce will make them feel more
Invested in Western civilization, just by
Virtue of all the time that they'll spend tracking down references
To the Odyssey and the culture of early 20th Century Dublin."