[Newspoetry] How to win friends, influence people, and convert dead souls

[John]

Buddha, Joan of Arc and baseball player Hank Greenberg arrive at the pearly
gates...

by John Newmark

What do Genghis Khan
Buddha
Marc Chagall
and Joan of Arc
have in common?

They've all been baptized
into the Mormon church.

Albert Einstein
Adolf Hitler
Hank Greenberg
and thousands of Holocaust survivors
have also received the dubious honor.

None of them asked for it.

Converting someone
is a difficult task
when they're alive.
They can resist.

Just ask King David.
Saul made him convert
100 Phillistine warriors.
He too waited until they were dead.

David even helped 
the process along a bit,
by killing them,
and no one's accused the Mormons of that,
but still a lot of people are upset.

Baptism by proxy
may be a lot less messy
than adult circumcision,
which was David's task,
but it's just as undesirable.

http://www.clevelandjewishnews.com/display/inn_news/JTA/vmormons1211.txt
http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=JPost/A/JPArticle/ShowFull&c
id=1039580576134