[Newspoetry] Fwd: Aircraft warranty registration

[Editor-Within-Chief]

Speaking of Harriers,

 > > This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas
> > > Website by an employee there who obviously has a  sense of humor. The
> > > company, of course, does not have a sense of humor and made the web
> > > department take it down immediately. For once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at
> > > the end is worth a read, too.
> > >-------------------------------------------------------
> > >    Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
> > > order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
> > > fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
> > > questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop
> > > new products that best meet your needs and desires.
> > >
> > >    1. Title:
> > >
> > >    [_] Mr.
> > >    [_] Mrs.
> > >    [_] Ms.
> > >    [_] Miss
> > >    [_] Lt.
> > >    [_] Gen.
> > >    [_] Comrade
> > >    [_] Classified
> > >    [_] Other
> > >
> > >    First Name: ................................................
> > >    Initial: .........
> > >    Last Name ..........................................
> > >    Password: .......................... (max. 8 char)
> > >    Code Name: ......................................
> > >    Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: .......................
> > >
> > >    2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
> > >
> > >    [_] F-14 Tomcat
> > >    [_] F-15 Eagle
> > >    [_] F-16 Falcon
> > >    [_] F-117A Stealth
> > >    [_] Classified
> > >
> > >    3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ......./....... /......
> > >
> > >    4. Serial Number: ...........................................
> > >
> > >    5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
> > >
> > >    [_] Received as gift / aid package
> > >    [_] Catalogue / showroom
> > >    [_] Independent arms broker
> > >    [_] Mail order
> > >    [_] Discount store
> > >    [_] Government surplus
> > >    [_] Classified
> > >
> > >    6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas
> > > product you have just purchased:
> > >
> > >    [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
> > >    [_] Store display
> > >    [_] Espionage
> > >    [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
> > >    [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
> > >    [_] Was attacked by one
> > >
> > >    7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
> > > decision to purchase this McDonnell
> > >    Douglas product:
> > >
> > >    [_] Style / appearance
> > >    [_] Speed / maneuverability
> > >    [_] Price / value
> > >    [_] Comfort / convenience
> > >    [_] Kickback / bribe
> > >    [_] Recommended by salesperson
> > >    [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
> > >    [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
> > >    [_] Backroom politics
> > >    [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
> > >
> > >    8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be
> > > used:
> > >
> > >    [_] North America
> > >    [_] Iraq
> > >    [_] Iraq
> > >    [_] Aircraft carrier
> > >    [_] Iraq
> > >    [_] Europe
> > >    [_] Iraq
> > >    [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
> > >    [_] Iraq
> > >    [_] Africa
> > >    [_] Iraq
> > >    [_] Asia / Far East
> > >    [_] Iraq
> > >    [_] Misc. Third World countries
> > >    [_] Iraq
> > >    [_] Classified
> > >    [_] Iraq
> > >
> > >
> > >    9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
> > > purchase in the near future:
> > >
> > >    [_] Color TV
> > >    [_] VCR
> > >    [_] ICBM
> > >    [_] Killer Satellite
> > >    [_] CD Player
> > >    [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
> > >    [_] Space Shuttle
> > >    [_] Home Computer
> > >    [_] Nuclear Weapon
> > >
> > >    10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
> > >    (Indicate all that apply):
> > >
> > >    [_] Communist / Socialist
> > >    [_] Terrorist
> > >    [_] Crazed
> > >    [_] Neutral
> > >    [_] Democratic
> > >    [_] Dictatorship
> > >    [_] Corrupt
> > >    [_] Primitive / Tribal
> > >
> > >    11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
> > >
> > >    [_] Deficit spending
> > >    [_] Cash
> > >    [_] Suitcases of cocaine
> > >    [_] Oil revenues
> > >    [_] Personal check
> > >    [_] Credit card
> > >    [_] Ransom money
> > >    [_] Traveler's check
> > >
> > >    12. Your occupation:
> > >
> > >    [_] Homemaker
> > >    [_] Sales / Marketing
> > >    [_] Revolutionary
> > >    [_] Clerical
> > >    [_] Mercenary
> > >    [_] Tyrant
> > >    [_] Middle Management
> > >    [_] Eccentric Billionaire
> > >    [_] Defense Minister / General
> > >    [_] Retired
> > >    [_] Student
> > >
> > >
> > >    13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
> > > interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
> > > participating on a regular basis:
> > >
> > >    [_] Golf
> > >    [_] Boating / Sailing
> > >    [_] Sabotage
> > >    [_] Running / Jogging
> > >    [_] Propaganda / Misinformation
> > >    [_] Destabilization / Overthrow
> > >    [_] Default on Loans
> > >    [_] Gardening
> > >    [_] Crafts
> > >    [_] Black Market / Smuggling
> > >    [_] Collectibles / Collections
> > >    [_] Watching Sports on TV
> > >    [_] Wines
> > >    [_] Interrogation / Torture
> > >    [_] Household Pets
> > >    [_] Crushing Rebellions
> > >    [_] Espionage / Reconnaissance
> > >    [_] Fashion Clothing
> > >    [_] Border disputes
> > >    [_] Mutually Assured Destruction
> > >
> > >    Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
> > > answers will be used in market studies
> > > that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as
> > > well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other
> > > companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As
> > > a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a
> > > brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
> > >
> > >    Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
> > >    Please write to:
> > >
> > >    McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
> > >    Marketing Department Military,
> > >    Aerospace Division
> > >
> > >    IMPORTANT NOTE:
> > >
> > >    This e-mail is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s)
> > > named above and may contain information that is confidential,
> > > privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low
> > > self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you
> > > are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or
> > > copying of this e-mail is not authorized (either explicitly or
> > > implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.
> > >
> > >    Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context
> > > somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or
> > > grammatical use and may be ignored.
> > >
> > >    No animals were harmed in the transmission of this e-mail, although
> > > the Kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.
> > > Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be
> > > gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading
> > > this warning backwards, so just ignore that alert notice from
> > > Microsoft.
> > >
> > >    However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and
> > > your computer, you can ensure that no harm
> > >    befalls you and your pets.
> > >
> > >
> > >    --McDonnell Douglas
> >
> >

--
Joe Futrelle
editor-within-chief
http://www.newspoetry.com/