[Newspoetry] NEWSPOEM --Race too close to call, called off

[Newton Bigelow]

Race Too Close to Call, Called Off

Dateline Madrid --

In stunning move today, the United States Electoral Department, citing the extreme
closeness of most of the state and local races across the country, moved to cancel
today's elections.

"It's just too hard," lamented Mark Welby, Assistant Secretary for Sophistry, "This
thing's split right down the middle, and with the margin of error being what
it is, there's no way we'll ever figure out the real winners.  So rather than
go through the time and expense of tabulating  and retabulating the election
results, we've decided to just call the damn thing off."

Although some isolated members of the electorate were upset at the decision, as
a whole they expressed relief.  When asked for a statement, the General Overview
Of National Sentiment responded, "Look, it's cold and rainy outside.  If the
election is too close to call, why not forget it and stay home?  Our sinuses
are acting up anyway."

Predictably, incumbent canditates were thrilled at today's decision.  Challengers,
surprisingly, were also generally positive. "Let's put it this way," explained
Tom Roadkill, who until today was the favorite in his state's senatorial election,
"Sure, it'd be nice to go to the senate and lap up some of that conflict-of-interest
money, but when it comes right down to it, my dogs are tired and there's a brand-new
season of 'Twenty-Four' to watch."

Democracy, which has been unavailable for comment for quite some time now, continued
to ignore all requests for an interview. 


Best regards,

Newton

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Best regards,

Newton

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This E-mail was sent through Albawaba E-mail. Get your own at mail.albawaba.com