[Newspoetry] text of W's speech

[Editor-Within-Chief]

Thank you for that gracious and warm Cincinnati welcome, except I 
notice that Dirk isn't here.

Tonight I'm going to speak to you far more eloquently, with much more 
precise syntax, than I would were this speech not written for me by a 
team of crack newspoets.

Tom Daschle fucking rocks.

Over the past year I have been listening closely to my advisors. 
Advisors who I chose on the advice of other advisors, whose advice I 
was advised to listen to.  At some point in this chain of advice 
there was at least one original, unadvised person who had an idea. 
And either they were crazy or everyone else was crazy.  And either I 
can't tell that or I don't care, or I'm crazy myself, which is even 
worse to contemplate.

Anyway, the main thing about all these advisors is that they 
represent interests, and as far as I can tell these are the interests 
of the American People, because why else would they be giving me 
advice?  After all, I'm the president of everyone.  Making 
distinctions is not my strong suit.

Which brings me to Iraq.  Not literally, of course!  Haha!  You're funny.

Iraq is somehow equivalent to terrorism in a way that's so 
complicated that it takes extra speechwriters to explain, which is 
why I'm taking the time to speak to you tonight.  Iraq is evil.  Evil 
is not complicated enough, so we need to work on that, too.

Saddam used weapons of mass destruction on his own people.  Say that 
over and over again until you believe it.  Don't think about it, just 
say it.

Let's just work on that one for a while.

OK, you're getting the idea.  So to sum up: we are in grave danger as 
is amply demonstrated by the circumstantial evidence and speculation 
I've offered here tonight.  Therefore, we should start a really big 
war before the election.  If you are following along on your axis of 
evil scorecard, then start preparing for our wars against Iran and 
North Korea.

-- 
Joe Futrelle
Editor-within-chief
http://www.newspoetry.com/