[Newspoetry] NEWSPOEM "Congress Gives It Up For Prexy"

[Newton Bigelow]

Congress Gives It Up for Prexy

By Newton Bigelow

Dateline Madrid --

The debate over the President’s demand for broad war powers continued today in both the House of Representatives and the Senate, laying the groundwork for the most sweeping abdication of authority since King Edward of Great Britain laid down his crown in 1936.  In a day of repetitive speeches, windy rhetoric, and almost operatic hyperbole, the members of both houses of Congress made clear their intention to lay aside their responsibilities as a counterbalance to the power of the Executive Branch.

Until recently, it was generally agreed that any military action that the President of the United States wanted to pursue would require the “advice and consent” of the United States Congress.  Once this groundbreaking resolution is passed, however, that restriction will cease to be a concern.  A senior administration official today affirmed the President’s excitement about this prospect:  “Oh, he’s happier than a pig in s**t.  He’s been bouncing off the walls ever since we told him.”

Although the great majority of Congress people declared their support for George W, Bush’s plans to invade Iraq, the debate was not without its differences of opinion.  Some elected officials supported Bush’s resolution for national security reasons.  Others referred to Saddam Hussein’s eerie resemblance to Adolph Hitler as their reason for approving Bush’s proposal.  Still others cited the Bible, which apparently provides extensive documentation of God’s feelings about the preeminence of Executive power.

A few voices were raised in actual opposition to the resolution, but they were quickly dismissed as latent terrorists.  In the House of Representatives, those who announced their intention to vote  “no” on the resolution were required to provide DNA samples to the Office of Homeland Security.  In the more dignified Senate, opposition members were merely required to sign a waiver of their First, Fourth, and Fifth Amendment rights.  Attorney General John Ashcroft declared his intention to monitor the activities of dissenting members of Congress  “up to the very limits of our technological capabilities”.

When asked what his constituents thought of his intention to hand over his power to enact a declaration of war, one senator who refused to be identified said, “As the appearance of danger from Iraq continues to mount, the concerns of the electorate become less and less relevant”.

As the passage of the resolution approaches, senior officials in the Administration and the Congress are hailing the new spirit of unity in the government.  “Differences of opinion used to make running the country so difficult,”  commented one lawmaker, “but now that we’ve gotten past that, everything is progressing much faster.  After years wasted on all that divisiveness, we’re finally speaking with one voice.”

In preparation for the speaking with one voice thing, Democrats and moderate Republicans are studying the work of  comedian Norm Crosby, in order to achieve the proper unique rendering of the english language.



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