[Newspoetry] headlines from CNN

[Editor-Within-Chief]

Attack mars Pakistan polls

PAKISTAN (Associated Poets) -- We should attack Mars.  It represents 
a grave threat to the United States and the world.  Scientists 
estimate that if Mars were to strike the earth, it would have a 
devastating effect on our home planet, possibly splitting it into 
smaller chunks, some of which could collide with the moon or plunge 
into the sun.  In an unrelated story, Pakistan began to poll its 
population on a variety of issues of concern.

Fish: Eat at your own risk

SAN DIEGO (Associated Poets) -- Fish are being advised that eating 
may present health and safety risks to them.  Oceanographers at the 
Scripps Oceanographic Institute released a report today detailing 
many hazardous items that can be found in the ocean, from water and 
lava to boats and industrial waste.  "We cannot be held responsible 
for adverse affects to fish related to what they eat," the report 
concludes.

Oldest tree cutting set for cloning

HOLLYWOOD (Associated Poets) -- The world's oldest tree, who is 
currently starring in the upcoming Mirimax release "That Old Tree", 
has walked off the set in support of therapeutic cloning.  The tree 
clashed with producer Jerry Brukheimer over the issue, and has 
threatened to stay off the set until Brukheimer releases a statement 
supporting the procedure.  Shooting was scheduled to have started 
today, but has been delayed by the disagreement.

Black boxes zap telemarketers

FAIRFAX, VA (Associated Poets) -- The National Transportation Safety 
Board is investigating reports from some telemarketers that the 
flight data and voice recorders from crashed aircraft, also known as 
"black boxes", have been attacking them and subjecting them to 
painful electric shocks.  "We were not aware that flight recorders 
were capable of storing and discharging this much electricity," an 
NTSB spokesman said at a news conference today, "nor that they had 
become as fed up with telemarketers as I know many members of the 
public have.  Nevertheless, I want to stress that it is not the 
NTSB's policy that any one or any thing should attempt to take the 
law into their own hands with regard to telephone harrassment."

-- 
Joe Futrelle
Editor-within-chief
http://www.newspoetry.com/