[Newspoetry] My God! The second newspoem from Dirk in a week! Surely, the apocalypse is upon us!

[dirk_stratton at mac.com]

  LOGIC

Let me see if I’ve got this straight:

According to the local rah-rah daily compilation of all the news the 
government deems fit to print (a.k.a. the newspaper),

The Vice President, having emerged from his undisclosed secret location 
to help “build a case for action against Iraq,” tells Meet the 
Slobberingly Compliant and Mostly Toothless Lapdogs Posing as Feisty 
Defenders of the First Amendment (a.k.a. the Press)

That “the United States is justified in striking any country it 
believes is planning an attack against America,”

Which is a restatement of the new Bush doctrine outlined in June that 
the President will take “pre-emptive action, when necessary, to defend 
our liberty and to defend our lives.”

So:

On one side we have Iraq

Which MAY have weapons of mass destruction,

And MAY have the means to deliver said weapons to American targets,

And MAY be planning an attack on the United States (again, according to 
the Vice President citing “intelligence gathered in the last 12 to 14 
months”) . . .

And on the other side we have the United States

Which DEFINITELY has weapons of mass destruction,

And DEFINITELY has the means to deliver such weapons against Iraq (as 
well as weapons of lesser destruction which could be delivered in such 
quantities that they may as well be weapons of mass destruction),

And DEFINITELY is planning to attack Iraq,

And DEFINITELY is making a case for planning an attack on Iraq using a 
theory of self-defense that doesn’t require actual provocation but only 
the perceived threat of some possible future provocation,

And DEFINITELY has a history of attacking Iraq when it says it’s going 
to attack Iraq . . .

But

If Iraq attacked the United States

Because “it believes the United States is planning an attack against 
Iraq,” or because it must take “pre-emptive action, when necessary, to 
defend its liberty and to defend the lives of its people,”

Such a pre-emptive attack would be illegitimate and only serve to prove 
that the warmongers were right all along in calling for an American 
pre-emptive attack against Iraq in the first place . . .

At this juncture, the usual Newspoetry strategy of winding things up 
with some snide punch line about how the logic of the 900 pound gorilla 
trumps the logic of apes of significantly less poundage because the 900 
pound gorilla says so, so there, one set of rules for us, another set 
of rules for everyone else, we can do what we want, and we don’t need 
anyone’s permission, nyah nyah nyah . . .

Seems particularly lame, and yet there it is.

It was the “logical” thing to do.

{Vice Presidential and Presidential quotations from The Cincinnati 
Post, 9/9/02}

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