[Newspoetry] Powell Earns Cash, Groans In Madrid

[Newton Bigelow]

Dateline Madrid --

Colin Powell wrapped up the First Annual Telethon for War-Torn Iraq today,
  bringing an end to an exhaustive 48 hours of nonstop begging, pleading, 
and dancing bears.  Diplomats and policymakers from around the the world 
traveled to Madrid to attend the event, which was part international 
summit meeting, part Las Vegas floor show.  In between entreaties for 
financial contributions, the audience was treated to entertainment by such 
heavy show-biz hitters as Elton John, Beyoncé, and 'Hamilton, the Magical 
Stage Hypnotist'.

Although the telethon was well-attended, donations were less abundant than 
expected.  Many potential donors cited disappointment with Powell's lack 
of new material.  "Please.  This is the same shtik he's been doing for 
years", one audience member complained.  "If he wants a big donation from 
my country, he's got to come up with some fresh material."  Many seemed to 
share that view, particularly during the big finish, "What, You Want 
Saddam Back?", which was greeted with barely-disguised yawns and 
eye-rolling.

That aside, the event was at least a qualified success.  Whatever they 
might have thought about the entertainment, most of the participants threw 
a little something in the pot.  Most donors were quick to deny that this 
signified an endorsement of US policy in Iraq.  "This is strictly 
covering-our-ass money", one diplomat insisted, "just in case they ever 
get the oil flowing over there, we want to be sure we get our slice of the 
pie.  Besides, I've got a soft spot for that old 'New World Order' bit."

As the spectacle neared its conclusion, Powell, looking worn out, his bow 
tie undone and ruffled shirt collar open, gazed out at the audience from 
behind tinted glasses and sighed, "What thrill it's been for me to be here 
with all you beautiful people.  I know you think of me as this big 
political superstar, but inside I'm still just a kid with a dream.  Ever 
since I was eight years old I wanted to establish a secular free-market 
democracy in Iraq.  And thanks to you wonderful folks and all your 
generous kindness, that dream almost looks like it might just happen in my 
lifetime."