[Newspoetry] rate of do-not-call list on-again-off-again increases to beyond the range of human hearing

[Editor-Within-Chief]

September 30, 2003
11:59:59 PM EDT

WASHINGTON, DC (Associated Poets) -- The frequency at which the 
national "do-not-call" list is being suspended and reinstated has 
increased to the point where it is beyond the range of human hearing.

Late this evening, judicial rulings putting the list on hold and 
efforts by congress and the executive branch to enforce the list 
began to alternate at a rate of 20Hz, which began to be heard as a 
tone by observers. White house press secretary Scott McClellan told 
reporters that President Bush was signing bills so rapidly that he 
had become "a blur", requiring a constant supply of pens, of which he 
has so far used tens of thousands.

The press conference was called off, because the sound had become deafening.

In the judicial branch, activity has been, if anything, more frantic. 
Every federal judge has at this point issued over three thousand 
opinions on the do-not-call list, many of which are over fifteen 
pages long. The supreme court has issued several hundred rulings 
already, and law libraries are reportedly straining to stem the tide 
of case law books which in some cases has physically burst through 
the walls of law libraries and blocked major thoroughfares near 
prestigious law schools.

In the latest development, the rate at which the do-not-call list is 
being suspended and reinstated has increased to over 20KHz, beyond 
what most people can hear. Although this has quieted Washington down 
considerably, scientists are growing increasingly concerned about the 
effects of this activity on the environment.

"If we keep this rate of activity up, we will consume every tree in 
the world within the next six hours," said Daniel Ensor, chief 
scientist at the Institute of Concern in Braintree, MA five hours 
ago. "Is that really worth it?"

The Institute of Concern, a not-for-profit research institute, is 
exempt from the calling restrictions of the F.T.C.'s program, which 
may or may not take effect tomorrow depending on which 
twenty-thousandth of a second it is.

-- 
Joe Futrelle
Editor-within-chief (of yore)
http://www.newspoetry.com/