[Newspoetry] A plea for sanity

[Joe Futrelle]

To whom it may concern:

As the representative of the Downstate New York Order of Mined and
Exculpatory Llamas, I must take issue with my colleague's suggestion that
U.N. ambassador John Bolton be stampeded if "the need occurs". Mined, and
especially exculpatory llamas have always opposed stampeding on the
grounds that it takes way too much effort and reflects poorly on
ungulates, branding them as belligerent firebrands (no offense to the
North American Association of Belligerent Ungulates).

Llamas of all stripes have long favored spitting as a convenient,
kill-two-birds-with-one-stone means of getting our point across while
clearing our mouths of built-up saliva, leftover cud, etc. etc. etc. What
better way to retain our dignity while not budging one inch on our
principles? Budging is really the last thing a llama would advocate, and
frankly we're a little perplexed by all the roaming that seems to take
place in the bison community. However, we remain confident that American
ungulates, both north and south, can join hoofs and form a united herd
against human frailty.

--
Luisa Miraflores
President
Downstate New York Order of Mined and Exculpatory Llamas