[Newspoetry] DHI: Homeland Insecurity

[DL Emerick]

Department of Homeland Insecurity

 

In a broad reorganization, President Bush today ordered all domestic spying
units to be assembled into a single integrated department.  This move, he said,
was due to the tremendous bureaucratic waste in duplicating, triplicating,
replicating endlessly the number of federal agencies that were engaged in spying
upon Americans.  “If 9/11 has taught us anything,’ said Big George, “it is that
there should be no walls between agencies – the dots are easier to connect when
you can see them all.”

 

Some naïve and forgetful critics complain that they thought that the 9/11
reorganization for Homeland Security had already purportedly accomplished
precisely this kind of streamlining of intelligence.  But, they forget: the one
thing that the DHS regarded as sacrosanct was any attempt to mess with the big
players in the intelligence game: DIA, MIA, CIA, NSA, FBI and hundreds of others
of agencies routinely spying upon Americans were left to operate, each in their
own bailiwick, defending their own turf, playing upon the follies of the
leaders, by purporting to say “Nya, nya, nya-nana: I know something you don’t
know; Nya, nya, nya-nana.”  Such claims of specialized knowledge led each agency
to quest for more and bigger budgets, easily granted, when they told their own
salacious and slanderous stories of secrets to the small group of voyeurs who
head up the “over-sight” bodies of the executive and congressional corpus.
(Some have said the agencies are the arms and legs of a freakish monster that
has no head, nor any uniting of nerves in a brain within its many sensors.)

 

Critics of Big Brother George point out that the government has no right to make
up its own dots, in the matter of domestic spying – but that subtle point, of
constitutional liberties, appears to be lost upon George.  His idea is that
Americans have about as many rights as workers in a mega-corporation, that is,
none except the right to be paid at the lowest possible wages for the work they
have performed, in the most hazardous workplaces imaginable, under the most
strenuous of conditions and for periods of the longest working hours, and
nothing more.  Anything more than that interferes with revanchist capitalism, a
form of rapacious industrialism that the world thought had died out under the
ominous specter of the creeping red menace of by-gone years.  Little did we
know, little did we know that it was just dormant, like a volcano, like a tiger
in waiting.

 

INDEED, according to the usual unidentified background sources (like UFOs they
don’t officially exist), with whom this reporter has talked, THE AMERICAN
MILITARY HAS NOW IDENTIFIED THE BIGGEST THREAT TO THE UNITED STATE OF AMERICA.
ACCORDING TO A HIGHLY CLASSIFIED INTELLIGENCE ESTIMATE, THE GRAVEST THREAT TO
AMERICA IN THE NEXT TWENTY YEARS IS THE EMERGENCE OF A CIVIL WAR.  Whew, that
kind of estimated danger warrants every kind of action against the restless
American people – for the President is charged with the duty of warding off all
dangers, foreign and domestic!!!!!  There’s nothing a President can’t authorize,
even destroying liberty itself, in order to save the Union from such a monstrous
threat.

 

To that end, of course, one begins to understand why an iron curtain is being
draped between Mexico and the United States.  It isn’t to keep Mexicans out;
it’s to prevent Americans from fleeing for better weather, cheaper living and
safer countries to the South.   Hint, Canada: your border is next!  Oh, sure,
that fence will take years longer and cost many billions more – but it’s worth
the cost to keep all those illegal cheap Canadian drugs from poring so freely
across our too porous northern frontier.  The last and greatest fence, though,
will be the one between Alaska and Canada.  As a part of its design, it will be
reinforced with oil pipelines.  Internal debate in the Bush White House has
centered around an appealing neo-con argument over whether it would not just be
simpler to decapitate the “socialist” Canadian government, and absorb the parts
into the dream state of the pan-American Empire.

 

And, a few critics notice the stark raving mad conclusion foregone in the utter
conditionality of Big George’s statement: “If 9/11 has taught us anything
”
Absent the truth of this assumption, nothing logically follows.  And, all the
evidence is quite to the contrary, we haven’t yet shown the slightest sign of
understanding what 9/11 was all about, why it happened or how to prevent it.
The premier lesson of 9/11 was a simple and bold one: don’t let madmen become
leaders with easy access to weapons and armies – and this includes Bush and
Cheney – they’re addicts who will kill for their own psychic afflictions.

 

Well, shred my facts, and the fax, too, boys and girls.  Here’s the stimulus for
this latest story: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/14/washington/14spy.html

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