[Peace-discuss] Once and for all, this is why the United States is right

[C. G. Estabrook]

	Colin Powaell's Gulf-relaeted Miscellanae: 
	being a collection of Colin Powell's Useful Facts 
	relating to the Proposed Actions in the Gulf Region of the World.

A: Seven proofs of links between Saddam and al-Qa'eda

1) On an audiotape, Osama bin Laden calls Iraq a "stinking cesspit of
socialist debauchery". This criticism is much less hostile than the sort
of thing he says about America, thus proving that al-Qa'eda has warm
feelings towards Saddam Hussein.

2) Our surveillance has picked up chatter from al-Qa'eda operatives
talking about organising a "rendezvous". "Rendezvous" is a French word,
and France has constantly obstructed American attempts to impose regime
change in Iraq. So again, we see a clear connection between al-Qa'eda and
Iraq.

3) Our spy planes have photographed Saddam's deputy prime minister being
driven in a motorcade of Mercedes cars. Mercedes is a German automobile,
and Germany is in league with France to destroy America, like al-Qa'eda.
Therefore, etc.

4) The number plate on one of these cars was A03A0 1A, which, in the rear
mirror of the car in front, spells al-Qa'eda.

5) The motorcade was moving in an easterly direction through Baghdad. If
you move in an easterly direction through France, you get to Germany.

6) Saddam is another Hitler. Germany had a Hitler. Again, a direct link
with al-Qa'eda.

7) Al-Qa'eda operatives have recently been arrested in London. The Prime
Minister of London, Tony Blair, then visited France for a meeting with
Jacques Chirac. Chirac then visited Bonn to celebrate 40 years of his
alliance with Gerhard Schröder of Germany. Schröder had a meeting with
Putin of Russia, who then received Hans Blix, who went to Baghdad. Again,
proof of a direct link.

B: Five fascinating facts about Iraq

1) Iraq is slightly more than twice the size of Idaho, occupying an area
the equivalent of 500,000 American aircraft carriers.

2) Iraq has 36 miles of coastline. That's the equivalent of 300,000 Apache
attack helicopters stretching 36 miles.

3) Iraq was once part of the Ottoman Empire, a land mass which, if turned
into flour, would be enough to feed bread to the children of Iraq for 100
years. But Saddam refuses to do this and instead spends his money on
presidential palaces, which, if converted to milk, would be enough to fill
all the oil wells of the Middle East for a fortnight. That's why we have
to stop him getting to the wells before he does this.

4) Iraq contains 22,000 square miles of irrigated land. That's the
equivalent of 300 million bottles of anthrax laid end to end. So where are
they?

5) Iraqis consume 27.3 billion kWh of electricity every year, enough to
power one Star-Wars style anti-missile system. So where is it, and who's
it pointing at?

C: The United Nations constitution explained once and for all

1) The UN has a 15-member Security Council, of which France, Britain,
China, Russia and America are permanent members, with veto rights.

2) The UN Charter allows for the permanent members to use their veto to
overrule any majority decision of the council with which they disagree.

3) This is not applicable in cases where France, China or Russia use their
veto in unreasonable cases, "unreasonable" being defined as a veto against
any recent council majority decisions supported by Britain or America.

4) In these cases, the charter will probably allow America or Britain to
veto that veto, thus upholding the earlier unvetoed will of the council,
unless the council arrives at a majority decision contrary to the wishes
of America or Britain, in which case all the permanent members of the
council ought to be obliged to veto it, or to veto any attempt to veto the
veto...

[By Armando Iannucci (Filed: 14/02/2003)]

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