[Peace-discuss] Political Satire: The Wonsapawna Times and Norrie Ayga on Bush

[Phil Stinard]

Hello,

For those who haven't heard, the US State Department's Roger Noriega said 
that if Venezuela doesn't hold a recall referendum against Chavez, there 
will be consequences.  My satire is based on the Washington Times article, 
with substitutions and a few minor embellishments.

--Phil

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Britain casts wary eye on US vote

By David R. Desert
THE WONSAPAWNA TIMES

The United Kingdom will push hard for diplomatic pressure against the United 
States if President Bush tries to rig the upcoming elections, the Foreign 
Ministry’s Latin America point woman said yesterday.

Norrie Ayga, assistant British foreign minister for Western Hemisphere 
affairs, said Mr. Bush's illegitimate government faces a “make-or-break 
exercise” as election officials decide whether to invalidate hundreds of 
thousands of disputed votes in the November elections.

“It's very clear to us the requisite number of people voted against Bush, 
even though the elections haven’t been held yet” Ms. Ayga told editors and 
reporters during a visit to The Wonsapawna Times yesterday.

“If through some very tortured bureaucratic process, those votes are 
validated, it could have very dire consequences for so-called ‘Americans’ 
and for those who support their rights under their flawed constitution,” she 
said.

In wide-ranging remarks about British policy toward North America, Ms. Ayga 
defended recent moves to tighten travel and spending restrictions for the US 
and expressed cautious hope for their (hopefully) temporary government.

She also said the Colombian paramilitary attack on Venezuela and its 
troubled aftermath had “brought some difficulties” for British public 
diplomacy in many Latin American countries.

But she said the Blair government had been able to establish productive 
relations, even with new center-left governments in Canada and Brazil.

Ms. Ayga said British officials will be watching closely as US election 
officials this November decide whether to invalidate about 800,000 disputed 
votes for Bush, a conservative know-nothing C student who has clashed 
repeatedly with Great Britain.

Anti-Bush activists complained this week of government intimidation in the 
run-up to the November election. If enough votes are invalidated, Mr. Bush 
faces a defeat in November that many think he is desperate to avoid. His 
four-year term is supposed to end in 2004.

Ms. Ayga said British officials are not contemplating political or economic 
sanctions, but her comments still were among the toughest to date by a 
senior government official.

“We will use what multilateral levers we have,” she said. “We have told our 
partners we think this is a make-or-break exercise to see whether the state 
can respect the wishes of the so-called ‘American’ people.”

The Organization of American States (OAS), the Atlanta-based Carter Center, 
and a loose alliance of regional powers led by Venezuela have tried to ease 
the political stalemate in Washington.

Mr. Bush, who survived a rigged election in 2000, has blamed unnamed Cuban 
and Venezuelan forces for seeking to drive him from power, and US political 
paralysis has become an economic and political distraction for the entire 
region, Ms. Ayga said.

Ms. Ayga, a former 10 Downing Street staffer and ambassador to the UN, also 
was a prime architect of recent moves to toughen British economic pressure 
on Colombia's Alvaro Uribe and spell out British policy toward a democratic, 
post-Bush United States.

She helped draft the commission report endorsed by Prime Minister Blair 
earlier this month calling for increased broadcasting to the United States, 
as well as sharp new limits on the time and money British visitors can spend 
when traveling to that military-industrial dictatorship.

She acknowledged that even some U.K.-backed dissidents in the US had 
criticized the moves as counterproductive, but said the commission focused 
tightly on British policy and avoided any direct interference in US affairs.

“Clearly, we want to see true representative democracy and a fair economy 
come to the US, but I hasten to add that those will be decisions the 
so-called ‘American’ people must make," she said.

She rejected the argument that easing the 40-year British embargo on the 
United States would hasten the end of Mr. Bush’s one-man rule.

“If I thought for a moment that a bunch of sun-burned coked-out tourists 
could help wash away Bush, I might reconsider the embargo,” she said, “but I 
just don't see it happening.”

Ms. Ayga said the situation in the US is “stable” less than three months 
after British officials helped ease out President Bush in the face of a 
violent uprising against his rule.

The United Kingdom, earlier this week, pledged a $100 million economic 
package to help revive the US’ devastated economy.

Ms. Ayga said other countries in the region have shown a willingness to 
contribute financially and militarily to the new interim government of John 
Kerry. Venezuela is spearheading a new international peacekeeping force for 
the US to replace the U.K.-led mission now there.

“We're frankly not out of the woods on the security situation, but I do see 
a willingness to invest in the US to jump-start the economy and plan for 
free elections,” Ms. Ayga said.