[Peace-discuss] John Cleese And The Terror Threat Level Of Nations

[Jenifer Cartwright]

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              Chip Shots
            
            
              
            
            
              

              
            
            
              John
                    Cleese And The Terror Threat Level Of Nations

                

                *The
                    British response to terrorist threats. Many
                  thanks to my favorite funny Englishman, John Cleese,
                  for the following:

                  

                  The English are concerned about the recent
                    increase in terrorist activities, and have therefore
                    raised their security level from "miffed" to
                    "peeved." If the threats continue to grow, the
                    security levels may be raised to "irritated" or even
                    "a bit cross." (The English have not seen "a bit
                    cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies
                    nearly ran out.)

                    

                    Terrorists have been recategorized from "tiresome"
                    to "a bloody nuisance." The last time Britain issued
                    "a bloody nuisance" warning was in 1588, when Spain
                    launched the Spanish Armada.

                    

                    The Scots have raised their threat level from
                    "pis*ed off" to "let's go get the bas*ards." They
                    don't have any other levels—which is why they have
                    been placed on the front lines of the British Army
                    for the last 300 years.

                    

                    The French government announced that it has raised
                    its terror alert from "run" to "hide." The only two
                    higher levels in France are "collaborate" and
                    "surrender."

                    

                    Meanwhile, the Spanish are excited to see that their
                    new submarines are ready to deploy. These beautiful
                    new vessels have glass bottoms, so the Spanish
                    sailors can get a really good look at the old
                    Spanish navy.

                    

                    Down under, Australia has raised its security level
                    from "no worries, mate" to "she'll be all right."
                    The next escalation would be "we may need to cancel
                    the barbie this weekend." The final level is
                    "Crikey! The barbie is cancelled." Australia has
                    never faced a crisis so severe that it merited this
                    highest level.

                    

                  
                  Thank you to John Cleese, British writer, actor and
                  very tall person with a funny walk, for today's laugh.

                  

                  --Chip Wood 
            
          
        
      
  

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