[Dryerase] Nor'easter

[Commodor Stockton]

By The Bull

BUSH TO PLANET, REST OF WORLD: "FUCK OFF"
SAVING THE EARTH NOT REALLY ANYTHING WE'RE INTERESTED
IN RIGHT NOW
COULDN'T THOSE POOR COUNTRIES TRY A LITTLE HARDER?
       In response to criticism that the U.S.
Government is blocking international attempts to
establish a world criminal court and take action to
reverse ecological destruction, Administration
spokesman Ari Fleisher asked what exactly was so
confusing about the words "kiss my ass."
	On paper, the idea of a world criminal court that
could prosecute military and government officials for
war crimes seemed like a good idea. Such trials have
historically been difficult to mount as mass murderers
hide behind their robes of state. Well, that's great -
but picture this: such a court could also prosecute
American soldiers and politicians if they committed
war crimes! Now do you see the problem? A compromise
was suggested: tell you what, you go ahead and try any
folks you want from other countries, but just, you
know, count us out. As far as our own war crimes and
being tried for those, we'd just as soon not.
	Well, fair enough. This new thinking has been
inspired by a recent study by the Bland Corporation
finding that, contrary to the folk "wisdom," what's
good for the goose isn't, in fact, good for the
gander, if the gander happens to be you, or in this
case, the United States. 
	A Bland spokesman explained. "See, what they were
getting at with the whole waterfoul analogy is some
sort of rough, frontier-style justice that modern
nation states have gotten far beyond. That was eye for
an eye stuff - you take yours, I'll take mine. The new
paradigm, at least for the very rich, is: I'll take
mine, and I'll take yours too. And it's surprisingly
easy to translate that into international affairs.
We'll let you have a court if we can't be tried in it;
we'll let you make your little rules about water use
and greenhouse gasses, but, come on, don't pretend
that they apply to us."
	"When I see all these people in their colorful ethnic
costumes making all sorts of "rules" and stuff in the
UN and the Earth Summit, I mean, it's really cute.
It's like my son driving his Fischer-Price car - he
honks the horn, he turns the wheel - he really thinks
he's driving! But, you know, and he knows, who big
Daddy is."



Again The Bull

PROVIDENCE MOTORIST STOPS AT RED LIGHT
CALMLY WAVES PEDESTRIANS ACROSS
DOESN'T SHOUT EPITHETS AT CYCLIST
Oh, forget it. Even as parody this story is too hard
to believe.


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