[Newspoetry] Why is Gary Condit keeping quiet on the Chandra Levy affair?

[charles joseph smith]

As I predict the eventual downfall of Gary Condit, I can only dream of
reasons why he is still not talking much to the press, despite the
'breaking-the-silence' interview he had with Connie Chung.

Here are my speculative reasons why Gary is still keeping a 'tight-lipped'
attitude on anything regarding Chandra Levy...

1. He had the most intimate cross-body lead movement in salsa dancing with
   Chandra Levy and he is trying keep his own trade secret in that
   dance figure.

2. Chandra Levy and Gary Condit got a chance to do a partner-style,
   lambada-like lap dance in one of the nightclubs on the outskirts of
   Washington D. C.

3. Gary had plans to flee with Chandra to perhaps France or Italy if he
   is subpoenaed to make a deposition regarding Chandra's whereabouts.

4. Gary adores Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis memorbilia and Jacqueline's
   quest to keep her privacy despite being in the public eye. He and
   Chandra even went into a memorial service at a church in New York
   for Onassis when she died (you know, the service where no press cameras
   were allowed in the church in respect for Onassis' desire for space).

5. Gary was also a scientist involved with new stem cell research. But
   President Bush's new laws on stem cells is another reason why he wants
   to keep such matters quiet. He fears that if he goes public on his
   involvement with new stem cells, he could be arrested.

6. Gary and Chandra also had sex while listening to the Latin-psychedelic
   rock music of Santana; more specifically, the album "Moonflower."
   During the songs on the album, "Touissant l'Ouverture" and "Sabor",
   they got a chance to lick each others tongues and they did some
   strong massuses on each other.

7. He also loves the song "Putting on the Ritz", because one line in the
   lyric goes "Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper". So he,
   speculatively, adores haute couture but is careful not to break his
   own bank spending too much on it.

8. They want to be ballroom dance competitiors but they do not want to
   open up their own dance studio unless they change their names or stay
   anonymous.

9. They were guests at the Brad Pitt--Jennifer Aniston wedding, which was
   closed to the public. Chandra and Gary could not comment on anything
   about the wedding since the staff in the big ceremony had signed
   confidentiality agreements.

And that is it. I hope Gary open his mouth soon.
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