[Newspoetry] Horrendous Disease Outbreak

[Mike Lehman]

Washington, DC - Associated Poets
	Following reports of a massive outbreak of hoof 'n mouth disease in
Europe, it was revealed today that authorities have been covering up a
massive human disease outbreak in the United States since last November.
Apologizing for their failing to recognize the symptoms at first,
officials with the USDA (US Dept. of Assholes) announced that they have
finally identified this new plague as nose 'n ass disease.

	Nose 'n ass typically affects those who are convinced that they will be
rich and successful someday, so they ought to vote like a rich person
now. This lead to a virtual tie vote for Democrat and Republican
presidential candidates in November as millions afflicted with nose 'n
ass voted to have one, or the other, cut taxes for the rich, appoint
more old, white men to the Supreme Court, pass out billions in corporate
welfare, and allow Democrats and Republicans to continue to take bribes
in the form of campaign contributions.

	Not only voters were affected, as nearly all Democratic and Republican
federal candiates have been identified as carriers of nose 'n ass
disease. So far, the only humans that seem to be immune from nose 'n ass
are those who voted for Ralph Nader for President. Blood samples from
concerned Nader supporters are being cultured in an attempt to develop a
vaccine. Scientists caution that a cure is unlikely before 2004, when
voters have another chance to elect someone other than a village idiot
or sleazy used car salesman for president.

	Citizens are being urged to stay indoors, unless they are in the
company of others on a protest march, to stay away from their
televisions and avoid reading the News-Gazette or New York Times, and to
log onto their local Independent Media Center website in order to keep
pace with attempts to cure nose 'n ass disease.