[Newspoetry] Job Fair: First Ad

[Donald L Emerick]

U.S. to Recruit Iraqi Civilians to Interim Posts
By ERIC SCHMITT and STEVEN R. WEISMAN
The Bush administration said that it would begin
a "rolling dialogue" to recruit civilians to run Iraq.

This could make pretty interesting job advertising.

WANTED:: -- President of Republic
(Now hiring for Iraq, but
an applicant pool will be formed,
in case of sudden fortuitous vacancies
elsewhere in our Middle East Department)

DESIRED TRAITS::
Must be good-looking;
well-educated and poised;
Fluent in English and Iraqi;
able to lie easily to the people;
Great wealth is no disqualification,
but a background of poverty would be;
Prefer persons who lack previous experience,
but may accept those with no recent experience;
Exiles with few ties to the people are also acceptable.
No candidates with any strong religious beliefs need apply
nor those with ties to popular socialisms rampant in the region,
but yet candidate must be good Muslim family man (or woman?).

DUTIES OF OFFICE::
Create a semblance of a (guided) democracy,
that understands the grim reality of world power,
or the criticality of pumping oil to national well-being
(that is, to US national well-being, first, and foremost);
Tolerate some inevitable soft corruption among cohorts
but rule as firmly as a dictator, by never looking like one,
by making highly visible your secret police state apparatus;
Suppress radicals, leftists and all those other trouble-makers
for they never cease bugging you (damn truth/justice-mongerers)!
Must be able to select subordinates for plausible deniability scheme
(Remember: there's no liability if You've an All-State Deniability policy).

PAY, BENEFITS, TENURE:
Nominal base sum but you may earn substantial commissions
(which should never-ever be confused with unlawful bribes)
by sitting on many Boards of Directors of all kinds;
by speaking at public functions (speaker fees);
by converting idle campaign funds for self-use;
by selling right to print your biography/views;
benefits and tenure await your definition!

INTERVIEWING COMMITTEE::
Dick Cheney, chain; Paul Wolfowitz, Tommy Franks

PLEASE NOTE::
1: Unprincipled persons will be given preferential treatment;
we intend to be no kind of equal opportunity employer.
2: Last position holder terminated for arrogant insubordination,
the only principle we'll tolerate and demand: class loyalty over all.

(Thanks for listening,
Donald L Emerick)
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: http://lists.chambana.net/mailman/archive/newspoetry/attachments/20030411/a685c154/attachment.htm