[Peace-discuss] This is satire
David Green
davegreen48 at yahoo.com
Tue Nov 2 14:32:56 CST 2004
November 1, 2004
FLORIDA TO DECIDE ELECTION BY SHOW OF HANDS
State Loses Instruction Manual for Electronic Voting
Machines
Attempting to head off the kind of voting
irregularities that threw the
2000
election into chaos, Florida voting officials
announced today that the
state's presidential contest would be determined by a
"show of hands."
In a statewide address broadcast on live television
this morning,
Florida
Secretary of State Glenda Hood instructed all Florida
voters to start
heading for a vacant trailer park on the outskirts of
Tampa where the
official show of hands will take place.
While acknowledging that a show of hands was an
unorthodox way for
Florida
to determine who will receive the state's twenty-seven
electoral votes,
Ms.
Hood said the move became necessary after it was
discovered late last
week
that the state had lost the instruction manual for its
controversial
Diebold
electronic voting machines.
An early test of the machines last Wednesday set off
alarms among
voting
officials when the electronic tally showed
conservative commentator Pat
Buchanan winning the state with 87% of the vote,
despite not appearing
on
the ballot.
"After searching for the instruction manual, we moved
on to Plan B,
which
was to operate the voting machines with a hand-crank,"
Secretary of
State
Hood said. "But then nobody could find the crank."
Florida Governor Jeb Bush said the show-of-hands
method should not
shake
Floridians' confidence in the accuracy of the returns,
saying, "We will
keep
counting hands until we get the result we want."
Elsewhere, Osama bin Laden lashed out at American
broadcast networks
for
failing to air the final sentence of his tape last
Friday, which was:
"I'm
Osama bin Laden, and I approve this message."
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Check out the new Yahoo! Front Page.
www.yahoo.com
More information about the Peace-discuss
mailing list